The Rediscovery of The Soul

G.Reguzzoni - I came to Etty Hillesum on the recommendation of a friend, who gave me only two pieces of advice, very easy to follow:

• "Read the unabridged edition, because anthologies 'theologize' her" without mediation

• "Read her slowly," that is, "talk to her"

Of course, I had heard of it before, but as is often the case, I was held back by too much talk about it. And my friend was right on both counts.

The Unabridged Diaries

Anthologies are missing something, and often it is the dimension of Eros that is diminished. It was not difficult to read it slowly, because Etty's diaries are a spontaneous conversation, a conversation in a low voice, almost a conversation of love that matures little by little.

There is no rushing through these lines: you read them, and you go back a few pages, looking for answers to the questions that you are beginning to ask; you read them, and you relive with her deep feelings, you rediscover the mysterious dimension of a lived Eros, with all its contrasts, but capable of lifting you above the predictable; you read them, and you feel yourself asking to try to be more authentic.

More Than a Holocaust Testimony

It is not just another text about another victim of the Holocaust, but a daily testimony of how a soul honest with itself lived that time "before Auschwitz," that daily life made up of increasing external limitations but an interiority that never stopped searching and loving.

The Discovery of the Soul

That's right: the soul. It may seem like a detail in a work about which so much has already been said, but Etty's is precisely the diary of a soul discovering its own being as a relationship. In the theology of the Persons of the Holy Trinity, we speak of "subsistent relations," almost a contradiction for the most rigid Aristotelianism, since for it, "relation" is only a category.

Still, St. Thomas had already thought of adding to the term participle: "subsistent," which explains that an authentic relation can only exist as love and, therefore, as abandonment in an otherness.

Nothing and no one is itself except in relation to another, and it is the measure of this other that begins and continues the inner journey of soul discovery.

Julius Spier and Etty's Transformation

The turning point in Hillesum's life coincides with her initiation into analytic work in 1941 with the Jungian psychoanalyst Julius Spier, with whom she soon developed a deep love affair. Like Etty, Spier was an exponent of that Central European Jewishness that was perfectly integrated into the German-speaking culture of the time. A strong and highly original personality, Spier had left Germany for Holland after divorcing his "Aryan" wife and was known for his chiropractic methods.

It was he who gradually introduced Etty to the reading of St. Augustine and the New Testament, in parallel with her beloved Rainer Maria Rilke and Carl Gustav Jung. In Hillesum, this intellectual and inner journey is never contrasted with Eros, which is precisely a call to discover the self in the other.

A Complex Relationship

In an Amsterdam occupied by the Nazis and with increasing restrictions on freedom of movement and life, Etty experienced this relationship with Spier (who was several years her senior) as a discovery of the self in the other and, above all, in her finitude.

It was a complex affair, for Spier was engaged to Hertha Levi, who lived in London at the time, and Etty had, over time, entered into a relationship with Han Wegerif, a widower, her landlord, with whom she lived and also worked as a maid. Above all, it was a journey in which Etty matured more and more in her self-awareness and opened up to new horizons in her devotion to the suffering other.

Spirituality and Psychology

Julius Spier was not only a psychoanalyst but also a man of deep spirituality. For him, mind, psyche, and soul were not only inseparable but deeply interrelated in the making of the human personality. Both were "secular" Jews, but among the "cures" that Spier recommended to the girl "who could not kneel," prayer was a decisive element.

This is what Etty wrote on July 14, 1942: "He managed to call me this afternoon from a nearby telephone and told me, among other things, 'Tonight we must pray intensely' (...). But tonight, in spite of everything, I ran to him".

Sometimes, both for some psychologists and for some men of the Church, the relationship between the psyche and the spiritual soul is not clear, and paradoxically, Etty's diaries - secular and emancipated - manage to be a valuable guide to rediscovering unity in distinction, which is like going to discover an authentically human dimension of existence and its destiny.

The Soul According to Etty

This is what Etty wrote about the soul shortly after Spier's death on October 11, 1942:

"The age of the soul is different from that recorded at the registry office. I believe that the soul has a certain age from birth and that this age does not change. You can be born with a soul that is twelve years old. And when you are eighty years old, that soul is still twelve (...). I think the soul is the most unconscious part of man, especially in the West; I think an Easterner “life” his soul much more.

The Westerner does not really know what to do with it and is ashamed of it as something immoral. The soul is different from what we call "feeling." Some people have a lot of feelings but little souls. (...). A soul is made of fire and rock crystals. It is a very harsh and hard thing in the Old Testament sense, but it is also as gentle as the delicate gesture with which his fingertips brushed my eyelashes".

Julius Spier died on September 15, 1942, the day before he was sent to the Westerbork concentration camp in Holland, the departure point for Auschwitz. Etty Hillesum died in Auschwitz, where she was interned a few weeks later after several months of imprisonment.

Etty Hillesum, the diaries and the "rediscovery" of the soul

Esther "Etty" Hillesum's (1914-1943) masterpiece, the Diaries, is the inner adventure of a discovery, that of our addiction.

Translated and edited by the Editorial Team at Epochal Change from Giuseppe Reguzzoni’s Article published on Ilsussidiario.net. The author has not revised the translation and editing; it is for educational use only. Download.